It wasn't as bad as I thought

So I attended my first meeting at the surgeons office. I was expecting it to be a humiliating, strip down to you panties experience. I had nightmare visions of the time I joined a gym and they came out with calipers and pinched me in delicate and personal places. Thankfully I was over thinking things and there were no calipers involved, just a digital camera and a tape measure. Their height measuring apparatus was broken, and recorded me as being 2 inches shorter than I am, and the lady had a good giggle about that because that would have made me shorter than her, which I obviously was not. The rest of the visit was just discussing insurance requirements and benefits.

All in all, I think the freaky car ride to the other side of the city was a waste of time since most of it could have been done over the phone, and the picture and measurements part could have waited until I actually met with the surgeon. That appointment won't be for quite a while since I have to gather, from various and sundry doctors, a history of my weight for the past two years, see a shrink, and participate in some kind of phone seminar with my insurance company. It's looking like I won't be meeting the surgeon until after I go down south to Ian's graduation.

On the happy side, I was given the OK to indulge a little for the next few weeks. Since my biggest issue to overcome is flavor cravings for savory and rich, rather than hunger, it's a good idea to appease some of my cravings now. There's still the reflux to contend with, but I know which foods make it really bad, so I'll avoid them...well, most of them, I've been craving spaghetti for a month now.

Happy Hoppy my friends!

Big Appointment this Week

After waffling back and forth about the bariatric surgery and whether or not to cancel my first consultation I've decided to go to the appointment this week and make my decision after that. There are more pro's than cons for the surgery, but the quantity doesn't quite measure up to the quality right now. On the pro side, the biggest factor is that the surgery could reverse my diabetes, and if my neuropathy isn't too advanced, that could reverse as well. Second, obviously, would be the weight loss, and with that, all kinds of little things like new clothes, high heel shoes, and improved self esteem. The final pro is regaining significant mobility.

The cons are slightly more complicated, and convoluted. As some of you may know, a few years back I had some issues, partially depression related, and partially from lack of money to buy food, and I didn't eat for close to 4 weeks. I did get some calories from beverages, but it wasn't enough and I ended up with severe malnutrition and complications with an already wonky liver. Because of that, my dear, sweet husband is super vigilant about always having food in the house, and therein lies the biggest problem in regards to my having the surgery. My husband doesn't have the slightest idea how to shop. I try to avoid the grocery store whenever possible, but I do make lists of what I want. Inevitably, he will come home with the things on my list, and a host of canned pasta, frozen pizza, candy, chips, ice cream, and all kinds of junk that I'm just not supposed to be eating. We've talked about this compulsion several times, and each time he says he can stop, but the next time he goes to the store he comes home with more junk. This is really the only con, but it's huge, because once I have the surgery I will really need to stick to a very strict food regimine or face serious, and potentially dangerous, complications. Not only do I not want to have to deal with the temptation of the foods that I used to love so much, but we just can't afford to waste money on food that won't be eaten.

I guess it's not as dire as it seems at times, Keith did come home from the store yesterday with no extras, so maybe he's turning it around. I guess time will tell. I'll let y'all know how the appointment went later this week.

And now I'm off! Before I go, I'm hoping to have a chat session on Monday, if you're interested in joining us, pop me an email at x.aponee.x at gmail dot com. (The x's are part of the address, you know what to do with the rest)

Back in Chat!

WOOT! I was able to install a new chatroom at the site this evening. It's a brand new, fresh, cootie free, updated version of the old chatroom. It's even at the same URL as the old one. At this point, I could go into a bunch of dumb technical details to explain why there's no way to register for the chatroom, but I don't think anyone really cares why LOL. You can't register the normal way, and, unlike before, you can't just log in with a username and no password, but no worries! I've got it covered.

If you want to join the chatroom, and I know you (had to toss that in for random passers by), just email me at x.aponee.x at gmail dot com. the x's are part of the address, you know what to do with the rest. Maybe, if we're able to, we can get a monthly chat going.

Well, I've accomplished everything I had planned for today, except cooking dinner, so now I'm off to the kitchen!

(((((supergianthugs)))))

Generous Friends!

When the House closed down a very special friend reached out to more very special friends in an attempt to make our staying in touch a tad bit easier while I'm out and about on my various adventures. This friend started a donation drive to help me get a Netbook, and I was quickly humbled and touched by the support, both financial and emotional, that poured in. Each day as I found new messages in my inbox I became more and more aware of just how lucky I really am.

Thanks to the generosity of my friends, and a special deal offered to me by the local retailer, I was able to get an incredibly sweet deal on a Laptop intead of a Netbook. I ended up getting, two weeks ago, an eMachines eME725-4520,  http://review.zdnet.com/product/laptops/emachines-eme725-4520/33980423. I would have posted sooner, but part of the reason I got a whopping $130 discount on this beauty is because it was a display model. It hadn't been on display long, and it was under a plastic gaurd so it couldn't be touched, but I still wanted to make sure everything was working properly and that I wouldn't have to return it. Happily, it works beautifully. She's even more powerful than my desktop baby. I've named her Priscilla, and each time I use her I will think of all who made it possible and all who make it necessary.

Now you'll never be rid of me *cheeky*

(((((hugstoall)))))

The Pains of Getting Healthy

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, pregnancy can make some pretty whacky, and permanent, changes to your body. I'm NOT pregnant, I was fixed years ago. My point is that after I carried Ian for 48 weeks (he really didn't want out LOL) I had a whole new body and chemistry to get used to. Besides thinner hair, oddly growning fingernails, and feet a whole size and a half larger, I ended up with some vicious reflux that never went away. I've told doctors about it for years, and they always jotted it down but somehow forgot to actually do anything about it. Well, to be fair, there was that one time that I was given Prevacid, but it was for an entirely different hemisphere of my body, and for all my research I never did find out how it was supposed to be helpful for that particular affliction.

Today my doctor actually prescribed something for me after she looked in my throat and confirmed that the reflux was erroding my throat and making it bleed. Now I have a whole new list of things to give up. Of course if it stops the fire acid from eating away at my insides that will be wonderful, but how the heck am I going to give up chocolate and mexican food without a good week long crying session, at the very least? Chocolate is the worst of it, but I eat far less chocolate than I do onions, and I have to give up those too. I put onions in everything i make. Every week I make a medium sized container of chopped onions and celery for salads, and to cook with. At least I don't have to give up the celery, that's negative calories that are so easy to incorporate into most recipes. Salsa will be missed too. It's got some fabulous metabolism balancing qualities, so I try and sneak it into things when Keith isn't looking. He's a big baby who thinks Taco Bell mild sauce is too hot o.O.

I'll admit the reflux is worse now than usual, and that I am fully to blame for that. I've been having food "funerals" to say goodbye to some of my favorites that I won't be able to have after my surgery. I wish I had made it to Applebee's to share one last Chocolate Lava Cake with Keith, but I suppose I'll just have to stop the funerals, and behave myself. I guess that means the bar of Black and Green Organic Chocolate on top of the fridge will go to a worthy food shelf, and while I'm happy to spread the chocolate love to those less fortunate, I'm sure I will be shedding a tear as Keith has to wrestle the package from my fist and drop it in the bin. At least it's for a good cause, them and me.

Thanks for listening to me ramble, now go pretend you're me and eat a Chocolate Lava Cake! [Insert CHEEKY emotie here]

[Insert terrible, painful things HERE] to the Hackers!

I took a goof off day yesterday so my head wouldn't explode. It didn't explode, as you might have noticed by now, but it really really wanted to. The day before yesterday i spent the whole damn day fixing countless files at the website because some buttwipe hacker found their way in and put a browser hijack script on them. GRRRRR. The webhost said the problem was on my end, so after I fixed all the files, I spent 2 hours changing all my passwords, which is always a pain, and then I spent 10 hours doing 4 different deepscans of my computer. I never did find a keylogger, so I'm really not sure how the bastard got in.

I'm not going to argue with my host, since they really have been very good to me, but I have to wonder if it really was because of some breach of my home PC. I would think that if someone found their way into my PC, they would have gone after my PayPal, or banking info, or something actually profitable. It makes no sense that they would just snag the password to my website in order to post a script that any halfway competent AV program would immediately flag. The mind boggles. O.o

All is fine now, but the chat room had to be deleted completely since it was mostly JavaScript, and every file had been attacked. Not only do I know nothing about JS coding, but I don't even have a program that will edit it. Some of us tried out Gmails group chat feature yesterday, none of us had good things to say about it, there were lots of disconnects, and we had to open a new chat room a few times because someone would get booted and couldn't get back in. I will install a fresh chat room this weekend. I won't be publicly posting the chat room URL, but I'll send the link to anyone (that I know) who wants it, as well as those of you that would show up for chats from time to time. There's just nothing like the chaos of a bunch of people all chatting about differnt things at once LOL.

Aside from that, I've not got much going on besides some internet window shopping for the perfect outfit to wear to Ian's graduation. I'm looking for that right mix of kind of hip and funky but not embarassing. *Fingers Crossed*

(((((HUGSTOALL)))))

Karma, and Facebook, Hate me

I joined Facebook some time ago as a show of support for a friend. I quickly came to know that it wasn't really for me, since most of my past is better left where it is. I started up at Facebook again for a variety of reasons, 1 being that most of my closest present day friends are there and it was a good way to keep up. I think it's lovely for posting quick blurbs when I don't have enough time or material to post here, and if my computer didn't hate Flash so much the games would be fun to play. (Sorry FV and CW neighbors, but I can't even finish my own stuff before it freezes up on me, much less make visits to everyone else :( )

Besides being able to connect for brief moments with my friends, Facebook has turned out to be an absolute nightmare for me, and that's not even taking into consideration the incident with my profile pic being used by someone to slander me. It's become a forum for my sons stepmother to make passive aggressive attacks on me for seemingly no other reason than to hurt me and make me feel bad. I know I could just block her, but they don't send me pictures of Ian even when I call and ask repeatedly. The only way they will share pics with me is through Facebook. She seems to have trouble with my being a proud mom, and anytime I post about Ian, she does something hurtful. Once I posted that I was worried about Ian, and she posted I don't need to think about it, she will let me know when it's ok to worry. Yesterday, after I posted an update about Ian and the National Guard, she posted a pic of  Ian, and sent it to me labeled "My dear son".

Don't get me wrong, I've never tried, or wanted, to get between Ian and his step mother. I've ALWAYS taught Ian that he should respect her no differently than he would me. The problem with "My dear son" is that she has 3+ years of photos posted on Facebook, there are at least 20 photos with Ian in them, and never once has she ever labeled a photo of Ian anything other than Ian. Never once have I heard her refer to him as anything other than Ian or her step son. If it weren't so out of the blue I wouldn't think twice, but she has a history of being horribly passive aggressive towards me, and this stunt just reeks of her trying to hurt me. I honestly don't understand why. The only thing I care about at all is my son, and doing what is best for him. I just can't seem to get her, or Ians father, to get past their personal issues and focus on Ian.

So this whole thing has me feeling really down today. It seems no matter how much good I try to do, when karma comes round it's to kick my ass some more. I'm going to try an experiment over the next few weeks, hush hush like, to see if it can help me lift up out of this funk. I'll let you know how it goes.

And hey, if I haven't said it lately, I love you guys! I really do have the best friends a person could ask for.